9 Safety Rules For Topless Roller Coaster Girls

LBP: You must be this topless to ride the roller coaster.

RP9: You must be this impressively-breasted to ride the roller coaster.

LETE: Make sure you drink enough fluids, because topless rollercoasting is hot.

P-FU: Have your seatbelt positioned appropriately, to hide your goddamn bellyfat.

GG33EE: Never wear flip flops, one will flop off and hit you in the boob, or the boob of the girl next to you. That happened to me and my girlfriend almost lost a nip tip.

ATOD: No riding this shit topless while pregnant, you’ll have too much sag and flop, it will ruin the pics, and you might just knock yourself out.

OBB: The odds of boob decapitation is only one in a billion, so at least try it once.

TW: Practice, your bloodcurling scream, before you arrive, because you don’t want to sound like a teenybopper, or a small marsupial.

JHHK: Practice your wild topless rollercoasting at home tonight during sex with identical enthusiasm if your boyfriend’s name is Jack.