Review Of Isla Fisher’s Nude Sex Scene In Wedding Crashers
Via redheadshavebetterbreastsex.org
JHHK's Review: Two Singing Nipples Up @@!!
Real Dirty Politics: Obama Promises Titsex For Every Cock; McCain Targets Gay Sailors & Alien Girls With Starfruit Shaped Nipples
Of course everybody knows the real problem with alien girls with starfruit shaped nipples has always been that they perform oral sex too noisily...
Ellen Degeneres Checked Into Sierra Tucson For Addiction To Lesbian Yoga
[click her left nipple for the bigger-breasted image]
Research now shows that Lesbian Yoga, while a silver bullet for FUHLD (Fat Ugly Hairy Lesbianism Disorder), can be addicting, and, in fact, the addiction can cause more severe personality problems than the fat ugly hairy lesbianism itself. The inherent problem with all Lesbian Yoga dvds is that 97% of girls who watch them end up masturbating instead of finishing the positions, which is why the Surgeon General now recommends that all hot lesbians who wish to perform nude Lesbian Yoga, while watching homo-erotic fitness dvds, should be personally supervised by a heterosexual male, friend or acquaintance, who has been certified as an ONLMO (Official Nude Lesbian Masturbation Observer.) And while I personally am not willing to look directly at a naked Ellen Degeneres, I wish her the best of luck in her treatment for this life-threatening addiction.
Learn more about the dangers of Lesbian Yoga in my new book.
“No One Loves A Fatty:
How To Put Your Woman On A Diet”
Sarah Palin Unwinds After Long Hot Sticky Debate With Joe Biden, But Even Though She Finished, Polls Suggest She Continues To Go Down
Perhaps she should sit back and relax and read some badass Amazon Warrior Porn.
Lindsay Lohan: Titfuck Or Blowjob?
Via hotnakedbattlelesbians.org
Critical Decision: The party’s over and you’ve got her on the couch. Your cock has only one load, before the alcohol wears off, and her lesbianism returns. You have to slap her with it now. What do you do?
Panasonic 150” Plasma “Best HDTV For Amateur Porn” Says Home Theater Magazine
Via ilovethejapanese.com
Said HTM, “I popped in an old sex tape, three girlfriends back, and thought at that screen size she would look like shit. But, damn. 150” Porn is the new fucking titanium standard. Her tits were bigger than exercise balls, bouncing up and down. It was like falling in love again all over again with amateur porn. If you have the cash, and some killer sex tapes, the 150” Panasonic is more than highly recommended. It’s badass.”
National Safety Council’s Controversial “Hotties Wear Seat Belts” Campaign
Via pornstarrolemodels.org
Said pornstar-activist Tawny Roberts, “I’ve taken more hits to the face than I can remember, but when men give me a ride, I buckle up. Because traffic accidents are hardcore. Like taking a blow to the head from a 5,000-pound cock, without even squinting. And, 30% of hot women refuse to wear seat belts that don’t match their outfits. 7000 hot women die each year from not keeping on their seat belts while giving roadtrip blowjobs. I mean. seriously, why are they not teaching seat belt safety in sex ed? That’s why I’m proud to suck cock for a good cause. And I won’t stop until every hot hottie in America gets their sweet ass in gear. Because, trust me, girls, you don’t want facial scarring.”
OMG! Hayden Panettiere Nip Slip While Humping Otter Ignites PETO!
Via nevertitillateanotter.org
Said a spokeswomen for PETO, “All People for the Ethical Treatment of Otters love Heroes, not season two, but we do, which is why exposing nipples to otters is such an obscene Otter-Rights violation, that we call for immediate boycott of the season two dvds. Otters have penises. And I don’t mean an otter has multiple penises, like three penises, though some do, mutant otters. And having an eighteen year old girl press her bare nipples in your face, when you know she won’t fornicate you, or blow you to release, for an otter, or a young man, or a hot lesbian, is cruelty beyond measure. It saddens me. All she needed to do was put her tits away and pull out another otter and then rub the two otter’s genitals together until the sexual tension was diffused. It’s called Respect, young lady.”
Scarlett Johansson Voted “Hottest Blowjob Lips In Hollywood” By Nutlicker Magazine
Via goodforonethingonly.org
Said Scarlett Johansson, “Even since I was a teenage girl, standing at the mirror, with my lip gloss and my lollypops, practicing my come hither pose... I always knew I would become the sex idol, that I deserved to be recognized as, because, like destiny, to all the men whose cocks I’ve sucked on, who were nice enough to vote for me. And everyone else whose cock I wish I could reward orally, because the sheer fame I experience daily, is, totally, in my deepest heart, worth any cost, even kneeling on set for great lengths of time. So thank you all, and if anyone’s at the gala next week when they honor my tits, feel free to just unload all over them.”
Study: 9 Out Of 10 American Men Call Soccer “World’s Gayest Sport”
Via sportfucking.org
Said David Beckham, “I’m piss drunk, but, perhaps if America was more European, and homosexuality, as a sport, as an entertainment, because I live here now. And, ok, we’re slapping balls with our heads, but sometimes we get angry and kick each other in the nuts, and with your religion, a nut for a nut, as it says in those baby Bibles they hand out on street corners, with the hot hookers, and the flyers to free Tibet. It’s not as bad as watching gay porn, soccer, look at my wife. She made me watch gay male porn, once, because I didn't say lesbian porn, but it made me hard. And now I watch it all the time. So just get drunk, turn on the tele, and give soccer a chance.”
5 Tips To Avoid Traveler’s Diarrhea
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JHHK’s Weekend Party Tip #69: How To Hold An Ancient Greek Pussy Eating Contest
First you need to stockpile a lot of pussy, preferably lijagulep (lion + jaguar + leopard) if you want it to be authentic. Tap a few barrels of raw summer wine, the redder the better. Then clean that pussy, pat it dry, and apply flavorful seasonings. Apply heat, until the flesh is ready to eat and the juices run clean. Then dig in, until everyone is stuffed. Your friends will champion you as a God of Old, for all time. Because the legend is true. Once you experience the glory of an Ancient Greek Pussy Eating Contest, you remember that badassedness until the day you die. Happy pussy eating, Men (& Hot Naked Battle Lesbians)!
Babe Battle #1369: Jennifer Love Hewitt - TITS vs ASS!
Via bingeandpurgeweekly.com
Said Jennifer Love Hewitt, “My ass was big and white and cottage cheesey, and the internet, rightfully, said so. But this is Hollywood, and I needed to change the story. ‘If she bleeds, she leads...’ So I lost a sixth of my body by having sex nine times a day. And it worked. Now all the headlines say... ‘Love The 69 Diet?’ ‘Jennifer Love Misplaces Her Tits’ ‘Titnapped! The Search For Jennifer Love’s Missing Talents’ ‘Is A Fat Ass Worth The Cost To Own Big Tits?’ ‘Love Loses Ability To Please Men With Breast Sex” etc... I’m bring awareness to an important health issue, that most teenage girls struggle with: Does one, as a woman, want small tits, or a fat ass? I just hope someday science will allow me to have both.”
Germany’s Naked Olympic Athletes Are Da Schnitzel!
And by ‘schnitzel’ I mean ‘deep-fried pig flesh drizzled with a hot creamy sauce.’
GTA: Mushroom Kingdom - Exclusively On Wii This Xmas
Via therealsupermario.com
Said Nintendo, “Play as a real life Super Mario as you gangbang hookers and turtles and all kinds of shit on your rise to total world domination in the underground arena of pokemon snuff films. THEN tell me we don’t have anything for the hardcore, Bitchz!”
Review Of Robin Tunney’s Nude Sex Scene In “Open Window”
JHHK’s Review: On the one boob, I like the way she bends over, but on the other boob, I don’t care for the layout of the shower. Why did they have to place the shaving cream so high? What if her character wanted to shave while she fornicated in on the bath bench? That’s just bad set design. That said, a naked titty is a naked titty, and movies today need more big naked titties. @@ Two Singing Nipples Up!
Megan Fox Nude Scene In “Jennifer’s Body’ Cut Due To “Chicken Legs”
Via usedtobesexy.org
Said The Studio, “We love Megan Fox, but let’s be honest. No one wants to see her naked. It would kill box office. She lost weight and got the chicken legs. We had to reshoot with a thigh double. It’s like Marlon Brando in the Island of Dr. Moreau all over again.”
McDonald’s New Controversial “I’m Loving It!” Campaign
Via macdaddy.org
Any girl who can supersize it, without her hands, eats free.
Review Of Melissa George’s Nude Sex Scene In “Dark City”
JHHK’s Review: She got good perk, she got good point, she got good bounce, what more can you ask from a women?” @@ Two Singing Nipples Up!
Shocking: XBOX 360 Customer Service Exceeded My Expectations
(1) They spoke American.
(2) They offered me free shit (1 Month Free XBOX LIVE!) because of my worldwide celebrity.
(3) They promised me, when I asked, that Soul Calibur V would include full nudity.
Christopher Walken Still Has Flashbacks
Via iPause.com
Said Christopher Walken, “Late one night, in my Walken Room, I was touching my nuts. As cashews relax me. When I smelled it. And I clenched. And that’s when it happened. Britney Spears raped me. Anally. With her pinky finger. I was powerless. I wept. Like a crack baby. And I don’t know why. But when it was over, I thanked her.”
Poll: How Often Does Your Woman Shower?
I get mine wet and naked every other day, unless it’s a Tuesday.
David Mamet Arrested For Writing While Intoxicated
Via drunkenmonkeyz.org
Said David Mamet, “They searched my rectum. Which they do to all Jews, who use complicated grammar. Then came the light spanking. Because I’m Hollywood too. My children were watching. So I had to explain to them, that here in America, one is only allowed to write at the tenth grade reading level. Or you face anal misconduct.”
Heidi Klum Gives Birth To Third Child Using Controversial “Standing” Position
Via myfirstheadinjury.org
Said Heidi Klum, “He just popped out. Hit the floor of the yacht pretty hard, because of the increased gravity with his big head. But baby’s doing fine, and mama’s ready to get back to supermodeling.”
It Helps To Say It Out Loud: Yes My Grandma Knit Me A Penis Cozy
I tried it on for her, but only because, when she dies, I stand to inherit a few hundred thousand, which is enough hooker money for me to eat the temporary embarrassment.
My Ex-Girlfriend’s Webcam Strip Tease Seminar For Hot Women Who Want To Masturbate On Film But Don’t Know How
Via butshesuckedinbed.org
Said Sara Black, “Never begin naked. Teasing is Pleasing. So smile like an innocent whore. Use your pouty lips, which should be glossy from a tongue lick. Undress as if it gives you bliss, until you become fully topless. Pose like a sex goddess, both nipples erect. Get the camera tight, then make good use of your long middle finger.”
Review Of Angelina Jolie’s Nude Sex Scene In “Gia”
JHHK’s Review: “Gia” is latin for Lesbian Breast Mother, which in context means “mother of all sweet-n-sour tits.” Her nipples offer life, to all who drink from them. You remember Billy Bob Thornton? He’s actually three hundred years old. And if he keeps on licking them, Brad Pitt might live to one thousand. So, because of their power, or just the idea of Angelina in leather, all must experience “Gia.” Two Singing Nipples Up!
Mother Theresa Plays Wii, Hilarity Does Not Ensue
Via lostnews.com
Said Mother Theresa, “I finally found a Nintendo Wii. Based on Joystiq review, of Wii Sex Sports. But Wii no like. Wii confused. Wii vibrator, not dildo. Wii lose battery. Wii need surgery. Wii hurt heinie hole. Wii boycott.”
