JHHK: My agent tells me the buzz is that Megan Fox wants to buy the lead in Hot Naked Battle Lesbians, and shit is turning bloody.
LETE: Megan Fox is hot.
RP9: Megan Fox is hollow.
LETE: That’s why you want to fuck her.
JHHK: Everyone wants her to do Wonder Woman. But the script is shit.
RP9: Whedon’s cut?
JHHK: His was shiny. That’s why they fired him, and brought in a truckload of assholes to fuck it up. The current shit is worse than Catwoman. To Megan Fox, it’s leverage.
LETE: You wrote Hot Naked Battle Lesbians with an African Princess lead, mid 30s, teenage daughter, infant son, black father, black brother, all key roles, sex and race.
RP9: Is Megan Fox going to go black face, because that would be sweet.
JHHK: She wants everyone turned Greek.
LETE: White.
JHHK: The teenage daughter becomes her sister, the revenge plot holds.
LETE: But.
JHHK: You’re not going to like it.
RP9: She’s taking out all the nudity, to PG-13 the thing?
JHHK: Yes. No. But worse. No Amazon warrior nudity, Soft-R rating. Think Gladiator.
LETE: The acrobatic lesbian sex?
JHHK: The acrobatic lesbian sex. She’s fine with the female hero, female love interest, even the lesbian fuck triangle, but refuses the three lesbian wives. Having positioned herself as an Advocate of Monogamy. One wife, art sex, no nudity, the temptation only.
LETE: She wants to whitewash Amazon warrior culture, because it doesn’t play today?
RP9: Fuck her. She didn’t read the book. Her people did. They’re marketing her. Her geek image is playacting. If she read the novel, she wouldn’t be trying to fuck the base.
JHHK: It gets worse.
LETE: What happened to Halle Berry?
RP9: She got old, she puts it over budget.
JHHK: The option expires in three months.
RP9: They need the Next Halle Berry, 10 years younger, 20 million cheaper.
LETE: The character arc in HNBL is insane. It’s a goddess-maker. The actress gets this, works her craft, she will rule the goddamn world. One movie, she rises above Jolie.
JHHK: Only if Hollywood doesn’t fuck it up, which they do best, and seems inevitable.
RP9: They agreed to Christopher Walken for The Asshole King.
JHHK: That’s true.
RP9: Megan Fox never read Hot Naked Battle Lesbians, the fuck does she care?
JHHK: Scarlett Johanasson.
LETE: Her Amazon warrior movie, the puzzle is almost together?
RP9: First!!!
LETE: Like those AICN talkback retards.
RP9: A little bitch-slapping.
JHHK: The first Amazon warrior movie to market wins the prize, kills the rest.
RP9: Stone’s Alexander The Gay killed all the real Alexanders.
JHHK: The first badass Amazon movie means Eternal Glory for the Warrior Queen.
LETE: Your option expires in three months, you have a contract.
JHHK: I have a contract. Hard-R, black leads, authentic lesbian sex, warrior culture, blood-splattered tits, all the language is locked.
RP9: They’re going to rape your contract.
JHHK: The buzz is Megan Fox wants to push through, to make me sue the studio, then she holds a sit-in, her entertainment capital makes their lawyers forced to crush me, and I’ll piss myself in terror that I’ll never work in Hollywood again.
LETE: The girl has a nutsack.
RP9: Hers is big...
JHHK: Mine is bigger.
RP9: What does yours say?
JHHK: My entertainment attorney says she buys the lead, with any kind of contract connects to Wonder Woman or anything, we sue the studio for a billion dollars.
LETE: And you’ll win, and they know it.
RP9: What would you do with a billion dollars?
JHHK: What’s my catchphrase?
LETE: Fuck The Money, Fuck The Money, I Want Bare Tits And Want Them Bloody!
JHHK: We win, I give the entire billion to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.
RP9: So what do we do today?
JHHK: We do nothing. We hope the stupidity falls through. Let the option expire. Thank the gods for intervening on behalf of the audience, so no one has to watch another shit film. And I learn my lesson, and never option the movie rights to Hollywood ever again.
LETE: Some stories are too badass to become movies.
JHHK: The temptation to buy something wicked, and just grind it into shit, is too strong for Hollywood to resist.
RP9: That’s why novels are the only true hardcore entertainment medium.
JHHK: I can fucking get away with anything in a paperback.
LETE: How many fangirls to date have offered to suck your cock?
JHHK: 1179.
RP9: Megan Fox can get the fuck in line.
Rumor - Megan Fox In Hot Naked Battle Lesbians ?!?
