E309: Nintendo Goes Hardcore With Wii Sex Sports

Excerpt from Joystiq interview:

MIYAMOTO: Did you partake of asian hookers?

JOYSTIQ: They were delicious.

MIYAMOTO: Why, instead of blood, we have splattering of cherry blossoms?

JOYSTIQ: Our readers would like to know.

MIYAMOTO: American audiences we find don’t kill prostitutes well. The blowjob minigame. Online leaderboards for giving best facial. Violent tit-fucks. Gagging schoolgirls have been found delightful. Kill a sloppy girl with the hammer, dental floss, bowl of fruit, blood splatters boobs, and testers look away. Japanese gamers have thick ballsacks. Your grandma and next-door toddler have thin ballsacks. Cherry blossoms blown up the ass, tickle sensitive ballsacks, to uncontrollable smile, which is Nintendo goal. America smiles for Hanna Montana to blow her blossoms in true love. Japan smiles for fucking blood-squirt throat hole in Hanna Montana's severed corpse to pull out squirt facial severed head on floor smile for the win! America begs Nintendo for hardcore. But America is grandma with thin ballsack. Invite your readers come like Japan. Play Mario Pimp Stomp Arcade. Level the fuck up. Because one country Hardcore is another country Cat Juggling. Your readers have conditioned to love censorship. We feed you what you eat. You media task Nintendo disappoints America hardcore. No. America hardcore child disappoints Nintendo parent Japan. Why we call you Core gamer, not Hardcore gamer. When your grandma can take hard punch to the ballsack, Nintendo will stop blowing cherry blossoms up your ass. Do not wait for hardcore megaton. Become hardcore megaton. Fuel your rage. America must evolve from within. You must surge. Peer to peer. Become true hardcore revolution.