Sorority Fundraisers Hit Hard By Economy, College Girls Forced To Switch To Topless Bake Sales And Naked Car Washes Just To Survive

Every Tuesday morning, as part of my writing schedule, I spend a few minutes to think about the nature of naked teenage girls. And I want to support my local schools. But the young, dumb, hot naked girls today just aren’t fulfilling their contract with society.

You know those topless bake sale whores didn’t bake the cookies themselves. They just bought cheap shit from the store, put it on a tray, took off their cloths, and stand there, smiling into your wallet, spouting off “sassy” quips like goddamn cockatoos.

And today’s naked car washes are far worse. College girls think they can just make themselves wet and slap their big titties around in your face a few times, and you’ll give them a fifty. When I was in college, and I’m talking eight years ago, topless girls would really soap up, and scrub your windshield with their tits. They would use their pointy nipples to clean the creases. And they prided themselves on their topless services.

So here I am, confronted by the big-titted girls of today, and they all have their mouths open, and I don’t know who to give my hard-earned book royalties to. I don’t want to encourage this slacking of responsibility. What kind of world will that leave for my boys?

But fear not, loyal readers, I’ve generated a solution. To kick today’s naked girls in their increasing fat asses. And I’m counting on you to join me. Help spread word of mouth. From now on, let every hot naked girl know this: If they don’t provide Quality Services and Genuine Enthusiasm with their topless bake sales and naked car washes, I’m just going to just let their nipples chill in the icy west wind.

I will piss away my disposable income on a service that hasn’t lowered their standards in three thousand fucking years. I will invest all of my cash and all of my hope in...

Asian Hookers.