I ordered four round lesbian tablecloths last week (black and red) and they just arrived today. I got them for my two hot lesbian couples who inspired my Amazon warrior series “Hot Naked Battle Lesbians.” I got the round ones because apparently hot lesbians only eat at large round tables, because they’re breast-shaped. And I guess “lap napkins” are lesbianese for the sanitary wipes they use to clean up after a full course of loin feasting. I knew Bed Bath & Beyond wanted to increase market-share in the category of lesbian decor, but I didn’t think they’d be this aggressive. All they need to do now is sponsor a few underground pussy-eating contests in the major urban markets and they’ll become a lesbian linen juggernaut.