GRAMDMA FEELS BELOW PAR AFTER SWALLOWING 17 GOLF BALLS
From hospital staff, “Candy Fink, a seventy-nine year old grandmother, who weighs one hundred and five pounds, was emergencied today after ingesting seventeen Super Flight golf balls.”
From the daughter, “She thought they were candied golf balls, and was hoping to establish a new world record. This sort of behavior runs strong in our family.”
From her seven year old granddaughter, “No one knew what was sick, every time I asked she just said she was a little below par. But Mrs. Fuzzlepop [the cat] though she was constipated.”
From the 2:49am 911 tape, “Holy hell... I think I have congestive butt failure...”
From Mr. Fink, “After she dropped the first nine, I was concerned, so I went straight to my course, popped those boys in the ball-washer, and her colon must of did a number smoothing out the surface, cutting wind resistance, because I shot the best damn game of my life.”
How Do You Not Attain Eternal Glory?
